Have you ever met a person
who you thought was definitely THIS
but ended up being kind of THAT?

I have come to the realization that that happened to me today.

Have you ever liked a guy
who does something really self-destructive
but you still like him anyway?

That has happened to me, too.

Long story short:

The guy who I like does drugs. With my ex-best friend.

Yeah, I'm totally conflicted now...I still really like him, but I don't know what to think anymore...

Have you ever met a girl
who was so confused
but so sure at the same time?

Yep. Cause that's me.
----------------------------
Okay, here's what's up now.

For whatever reason, me and my mom were talking about drugs, and I mentioned the guy I liked...except I didn't tell her his name or that I liked him,just that we were good friends and that he was doing drugs with my ex-best friend.

It was just an example of someone who does drugs in high school!

But I don't know why I decided to tell her, because I knew what would happen, and it was the exact thing that happened next.

She essentially started giving me this big lecture about how I hang out with the wrong people and how one day, I'll get myself into trouble.

"You need to keep your bags and stuff away from him," she said. "You never know with those sorts of people...he could slip something into your bag and you wouldn't even know it, and then the sniffing dogs will come around" (our school is NOT that ghetto, they never bring sniffing dogs to our school!) "and they'll find it in your locker!"

Then we had another big argument about it later.

A couple of minutes ago, I talked to my aunt about it on the phone, because she is WAY more understanding and sweet than my mother, probably because she works with people all the time and kind of helps them with their problems, as it's part of her job.

"I know that she wants the best for you and everything, but parents tend to pick their kids friends for them. People tell me that all the time...she's not alone in that," she said.

All of this thinking and deciding and yelling and explaining and confusion is literally making me sick to my stomach.

The funny thing was, when my mom was talking to me about it, we were in the car, and I had my iPod on. It suddenly switched to Party In Your Bedroom by Cash Cash. That was not appropriate for the situation, I felt. This is what came on:

Well, I thought that we could
Sit around and
Talk for hours
About things I couldn't say to you
And things that we could never do, and
This conversation has had no face
When the words take days
You can rewrite and erase
Anything
You know my heart
So tell me honestly, did you ever really want this?
Knows all these...
And I'll borrow words from all my favorite
Paragraphs
To write
A ballad while we say the things
We'd hope would mean the most to me, and
Each letter sent I have found
In the pages the hope
For the days when
I feel like I've lost everything...
-Mayday Parade, The Last Thing That Meant Anything

Talk about a sign.